i feel empty but like its not real. i feel i wont be able to handle this. i feel surprised how much I cried. i am crying. i will cry. I feel sad everytime i see a picture. I put away the pictures, letters, cards in my house. I bundled up his clothes and his guitar. my stomach hurts and my heart, early this morning, literally i think broke inhalf. i know thats not just a saying anymore. my heart is broken and i dont give a fuck who reads this because it doesn't matter. this is mine and i can say what i want. my mind feels high off too little air im breathing. also my phone fell in the toilet. but i think its working now. we dated for exactly 3 years, today is our 3 year anniversary but it we broke it off at about 4:30 this morning. i'm so so scared. i'm just floored and sad. i hope i do not hibernate, i hope i keep friends. please help me keep my friends.  everything is fucked and i can't think about anything without thinking about joe. its always been that way. wishing joe were there to share something with me. and now its done and we have to grow separately. i just hope i can grow, i hope i let myself grow in a way thats good for me. i cant believe i'm writing this. oh well, its my journal. if you read this, just bring it up to me. dont beat around the bush. good morning.